Mediation is simply a problem solving process. With the assistance of a neutral facilitator, known as a mediator, you will identify issues, develop and explore options, reality test proposals and hopefully resolve all of your family law concerns.

Family Dispute Resolution (‘FDR’) is a special type of mediation process to assist separating families. FDR is conducted by a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner (‘FDRP’). Not all mediators are FDRPs. Fortunately, we are. An FDRP is someone very experienced in mediation who is accredited by the Commonwealth Attorney General’s Department. They will help everyone involved discuss issues cooperatively and in a child focussed way.

With a few exceptions, as parents, you must attend family dispute resolution before you can start court proceedings about your children.

Some of the exceptions are:

• Your case is urgent;
• There is a risk of family violence or child abuse;
• You can’t be involved due to a physical or mental incapacity, or because of where you live; and/or
• You have parenting orders that are less than 12 months old.

Download a helpful fact sheet on FDR here.

We try to keep our mediation/FDR process as simple as possible because we know you already have enough on your plate. With any dispute resolution process, there are 5 “D’s” to follow and you can read all about them here.

Some of the advantages of mediation are:

• Efficient – mediation is a relatively quick process, especially when compared to our overcrowded court lists.
• Cost effective – when compared to some other family law processes, mediation is a relatively inexpensive process.
• Confidential (with some exceptions).
• Flexible – where we meet, when we meet, how we meet and what we discuss is pretty much up to you.
• You control the outcome.
• Ongoing relationship – especially when children are involved, maintaining a relationship as parents is important and mediation can assist with this. If you go to court, we can almost guarantee that it will have long lasting and a devastating impact on your relationship.

No. But if you want to, we are very happy to make that happen too. We conduct mediations with the parties only (that means you, your former partner and the mediator), but we also do what we call legally assisted mediations where your lawyer/s come along.

We are very flexible when it comes to where we hold our mediations. We conduct our mediations in person, over the telephone and online via video conferencing facilities. We have our own mediation rooms in Sydney or we are also happy to meet you in another agreed location, such as your solicitors' office.

Every separation is unique and we will structure the mediation to ensure you feel safe and secure. At times this will mean you will be in separate rooms. We might arrange different arrival and departure times or suggest you bring a support person along with you. These are all of the things we will talk about in our first meeting with you.

No. Mediation is not therapy. We can suggest a counsellor or psychologist who may be able to assist you if required.

This is what we call Child Inclusive Mediation. It is a process where your children have a voice and can share their experiences of your separation and divorce in a supportive environment with a trained child specialist. As the mediator, we will then work together with the child specialist and you to consider ways you may be able to come up with age appropriate care arrangements for your children that take into account their specific concerns and views.

Your children do not attend the mediation. They will meet separately with the child specialist to talk through, in an age-appropriate and safe environment, their experience of your separation and any concerns they may have about it.

Research shows us that Child Inclusive Mediation is profound in reducing conflict between parents, transforming your co-parenting relationship and assisting you in generating lasting agreements about your children.

We have included an article about the benefits of Child Inclusive Mediation, you can read it here.

Mediation is private and confidential and the discussions you have at mediation cannot be disclosed to anyone. This means that you are able to have open and honest discussions in the hope of resolving disputes. It enables you to negotiate knowing that the discussions cannot be used in court and allows you to freely negotiate.

As the mediator, we have an obligation to keep what is said confidential except in certain situations including where there is a risk of harm to a child or another person, where there are threats to damage property or where there is a risk of a violent crime.

Confidentiality also applies to any support person you may bring to the mediation and they may be required to sign the Mediation Agreement too.

Every mediator charges differently. Our fees are clearly set out in our Mediation Agreement that will be provided to you. The cost of the mediator is usually shared between you. If you bring a lawyer with you, you will typically be responsible for your own legal fees.

You can find out more about my fees here.

This is entirely up to you. The length and number of mediation meetings is up to the people involved and how long it takes them to work through their concerns and come up with workable solutions. Most people can resolve their disputes within 1 or 2 meetings.

This is entirely up to the people involved. For a mediation to be successful, it will require you to be open and willing to negotiate. We pride ourselves on helping families make mediation a success. With a willingness to negotiate and the right preparation, you have good prospects of resolving matters at mediation/FDR. Even in cases where you can’t agree on everything, you can make the most of the mediation/FDR to narrow the issues. It might be that you agree to attend a second mediation to work through the outstanding issues.

Yes we can. A section 60 I certificate can be issued for a number of reasons, including if one of you refuse to attend mediation or if the mediator deems mediation not appropriate. It is up to the discretion of the mediator to issue the section 60 I certificate.

Like your separation, mediators come with different qualifications and experience. We think it is worth your while to engage a mediator that knows their stuff. Someone that is a Nationally Accredited Mediator, is a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner and who has experience in the family law space. That sounds a bit like us.

On a serious note, it is important that you feel confident in the mediator's ability to facilitate difficult and emotional conversations, to provide you both with an opportunity to be heard and to assist you come up with workable solutions for your family.

Now you are here, the hardest part is over. You can start your mediation process by connecting with us here and we will take it from there.

You can also contact a lawyer and discuss it with them or let your former partner know that you want to start mediation and send them to our website for a bit more information about the process.

The best thing you can do before a mediation is to get a good night's sleep.

Some of the other things that might help you prepare, and we will talk to you about all of these in our meeting with you before the joint mediation, are:

• Think about the topics you want to discuss;
• Make some notes about your concerns;
• Seek legal advice beforehand to enable you to consider the options you might come up with in the mediation;
• Ask for and exchange any information and any documents you need;
• Make a list of the options that may resolve your dispute;
• Think about areas of agreement and common ground;
• Consider your best and worse case scenarios;
• Be prepared to listen and compromise;
• Being prepared to accept that being “right” about the law isn’t necessarily more important than finding timely closure or preserving ongoing relationships;
• Understand that ‘all litigation involves risk’ and no matter how confident you are in your case, reaching an agreement that eliminates those risks is usually in everyone’s interests;
• Think about what might be motivating the other party and prepare for how to address that in a productive, future focussed way;
• Most importantly, it can mean preparing for how to say “yes” when mostly what has been said so far is “no”; and
• Keep an open mind.

An open mind and a clear head. We will have already spoken about the issues you want to discuss in our first meeting with you, so nothing should really come as a suprise. If you would like to send me a summary of important dates and events in your relationship, the details of how you currently care for your children and what your assets and liabilities (if relevant) are, then we can work through them together. If you have a lawyer, they might also prepare a document setting out the things they want the mediator to know before the mediation.

We will provide food and drinks but it might be a good idea to bring a book or magazine in case you have time to fill whilst we are talking with the other party.

Most people come along to the mediation on their own or with their lawyer. In certain circumstances, people ask to bring a family member or friend. This is okay as long as everyone knows beforehand and it is agreed. It doesn’t help if it is a surprise to everyone on the day.

Being comfortable and supported in the mediation is important. It is also worth thinking carefully about the impact the support person may have on the other party and the mediation environment. We want to create the best possible situation to resolve your disputes.

Be assured that you will have time during the mediation, if you need it, to call a friend/family member or to consider the proposals made.

Any support person present in the mediation will also be asked to sign the mediation agreement to ensure confidentiality.

Any agreements reached at mediation/FDR can be documented in a number of ways which will depend on the topic and complexity of the issues. Agreements reached in mediation are not necessarily binding. As a mediator, we can’t provide you with legal advice and we always recommend that you chat to a lawyer about what has been agreed and how best you should formalise them. This might include drafting additional documents like Consent Orders or Agreements.

We can prepare a Parenting Plan which can be signed by you both. If you want to read a little bit more about Parenting Plans, take a look here.

Collaborative Practice is a structured resolution pathway where you stay out of court and the focus is on being open, transparent and looking at options that meet the needs of each member of the family.  Trained collaborative professionals guide you through the process in a safe and supported way.

In collaborative cases, each partner meets with their respective collaboratively-trained lawyer to discuss the collaborative process and identify the issues that are important to them.

If both partners agree to use the collaborative process, both partners as well as the collaborative lawyers sign a participation agreement or collaborative contract, which requires the parties to:

• Behave in a respectful manner towards each other
• Exchange complete financial information
• Maintain absolute confidentiality throughout the process enabling one another to express frankly their needs and concerns
• Reach written agreement without the threat of court proceedings

To reach agreement, the partners and their lawyers all come together in face-to-face meetings. In these meetings, the partners put their “cards on the table” and all issues are discussed in an open, non-confrontational manner.

Couples choosing to resolve their differences using the collaborative process benefit in many immediate and long-term ways. Working through the collaborative process, each partner:

• minimises immediate and on-going conflict
• has better control of the separation process
• maintains a level of dignity, respect and privacy
• avoids court proceedings
• knows their children's needs are given priority
• knows their solution is tailored, it is not one size fits all
• is more likely to have a better long-term relationship with their ex-partner
• will obtain a fairer settlement, incorporating, where possible, each partner’s needs, interests and objectives
• has an alternative to litigation without the associated costs, delays and emotional hardship.

The benefits to the clients include their taking responsibility for their issues and its resolution. They retain control of the content of the matter, including the pace and cost of the process. Negotiations are private and confidential, and clients are assisted in reaching an agreement that, so far as possible, meets their goals and priorities, including functioning in future family, commercial or workplace relationships.

The clients personally understand all of the implications of the matter and the options for a workable solution, whilst being able to put the legal issues into context. They may also gain insight and skills to conduct future negotiations themselves.

The benefits to the professionals include the collegial nature of the work, a more satisfying relationship with clients, a more manageable work schedule and improved cash flow. As most of the work is done during the meetings, clients know and understand what work their respective lawyers did for the time they are billed.

Through court proceedings or litigation to resolve a family law case, you would go through a sequence of court conferences and hearings. This can take many months or most likely years before you have a final trial where a Judge would make a decision as to how your dispute will be resolved.

Through collaborative practice, you, your ex-partner and your respective lawyers work together, sometimes with other professionals such as valuers, accountants and child experts, to find out what each party wants and how that can be achieved. The court is not involved in this process and no documents are filed with the court whilst the negotiations are ongoing. Once you have reached an agreement, you can choose to send that agreement to the court to be made into an order.

Mediation involves an independent neutral professional who facilitates discussions between the parties and helps you to reach an agreement. The mediator does not provide legal advice to either party during the discussions.

In collaborative practice, your lawyer provides you with advice and helps you assess realistic options. The lawyers then support you through the negotiation process to reach an agreement.

No. Not if you are able to reach agreement through the collaborative process.

If you are able to reach agreement through the collaborative practice process then that agreement can be made into a Court Order or Binding Financial Agreement. If you would like the agreement made into a Court Order the paperwork is sent to the court, but it is not necessary for you to actually attend court.

If you are unable to reach an agreement through the collaborative process then it may be necessary for you to commence court proceedings.

Collaborative practice respects the needs of all parties. By working with a variety of professionals, which may include coaches, psychologists and child advocates, your views will be considered in a holistic manner. Taking the proceedings out of the courts fosters open communication and minimises conflict, which removes some of the stress from a difficult time. The non-adversarial nature of collaborative practice enables you to maintain a better relationship with your former partner. This makes it easier to work with them as you make arrangements for your children. It will minimise the stress they experience as a result of the separation. Furthermore, if you are concerned about your children’s wellbeing throughout the process of divorce, a child specialist or psychologist can join the collaborative team to advocate for their interests.

In the collaborative process, you and your lawyers communicate with each other through face-to-face meetings as well as telephone conference calls and minimal written correspondence.

In four-way meetings, you all sit down together and identify each party’s issues, concerns and goals and look at ways to shape those into an agreement. These meetings are conducted in an open manner where you all voluntarily provide full and frank disclosure of your position and provide any documents necessary to confirm your position.

If you cannot reach agreement, then depending on the issue preventing agreement, we would first seek the assistance of an outside professional such as a child expert, accountant or valuer to assist with resolving the issues.

If, despite the best endeavours of the parties, lawyers and experts, you still cannot reach an agreement and going to court is the only alternative, then the lawyers and the experts must withdraw from the case.

Your collaborative lawyer will be able to refer you to a lawyer to conduct your case in court for you, but your collaborative lawyer can never represent you in court. They also cannot be witnesses in your court case. The same rules apply to the collaborative experts.

By signing the Participation Agreement all parties are agreeing to behave in a respectful manner towards the other. You are also agreeing to be open and honest about your position and provide any documents necessary to confirm that position. If there is doubt as to the truth and accuracy of information then your lawyer can request documentation from an outside party to corroborate what the other party has said. By entering into the collaborative process you generally accept that you will reach a negotiated settlement quicker if you are open and honest.

It will depend on your individual needs and the professionals that need to be involved in your matter.

Why not book a free call with Shelby to talk it over. You can book online here.

Again, it will depend on your unique circumstances and the problems we need to solve.

Why not talk it through with Shelby on a free discovery call. You can book online here.

Collaborative lawyers are members of local practice groups through which they participate in ongoing professional development.

You can find a collaborative professional  in NSW here.

You can find a collaborative professional in Australia here.

You can find a international collaborative professional here.

Collaborative Practice is suitable for cases where both partners are invested in solving the dispute in a way that minimises conflict, where both parties can discuss their needs in an open manner.

However, there are some cases where collaborative practice is not suitable. If one party does not want to disclose information, or wants to use the process to pressure the other into agreeing to their terms, they should not pursue collaborative practice. If there has been a history of abuse or domestic violence, collaborative practice may not be appropriate. A lawyer may be needed to determine if it can or should be used, and to ensure that your interests are protected.

Divorce Coaching is an opportunity to get the support you need, from a trained and experienced professional. Your coach won't tell you what to do, but empower you to identify the issues and steps needed to be resolved, consider the options and take action.

It is a flexible process which is designed to guide, support and motivate you to achieve your divorce goals. If you are feeling overwhelmed or confused with it all, a divorce coach can help. A coach does not tell you what to do but rather works with you so you become more self-aware and you are able to make good decisions.

The coaching outcome of the process is to shift perspective enough to see new options. New options allows the client to make new choices which will get different results. When you are more self-aware, you can identify goals for the future, create a a plan and work towards it.

• Educating you on your dispute resolution options available
• Support, motivate and guide you through the process
• Managing conflict
• Setting divorce goals
• Creating a action plan
• Communication between yourself and your former partner
• Navigating the emotions of divorce
• Recommending other professional services that may assist, lawyers, therapists and financial services.
• Preparing you for meetings with other professionals
• Talking you through the legal system and language it uses
• Keeping you accountable
• Keeping a positive mindset
• A non-judgemental voice of reason
• Keeping you on track
• Being the calm amongst the chaos
  
  

No. A divorce coach is not a therapist. Therapy and counselling focus on the past. Coaching is a future focussed process where the divorce coach helps you move from where you are to where they want to be. When you are more self-aware and have some insight, you are able to formulate long term goals, envision what the future will look like, make a plan and work towards it.

Our Divorce coach knows her stuff. She is a former family lawyer and is a qualified Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners, Nationally Accredited Mediator, Conflict Coach, Parenting Coordinator and Collaborative Professionals.

Over many years, Shelby has supported many individuals and families through their separation and divorce.

We are flexible and work with you to find a time that suits you best. We offer in person, telephone and online video conferencing.

Divorce Coaching is $550 per hour. This will give you:

Time

We can provide you with as little or as many hours as you think you need.

Location

In person, via telephone or online (video conferencing). 

Divorce Coach

Shelby Timmins, Divorce Done Differently

Flexibility

We will work with you to make the times suitable to you and the experience as positive and constructive as it can be.

No. Divorce coaching is not legal advice, although we can talk you through the court process, provide you with helpful legal information resources.

Divorce coaching is usually just for you, although you will learn skills and tools to help you communicate and work with your former partner, especially if children are involved.

This is entirely up to you. Every divorce is different and we will structure the coaching sessions to your needs.

Yes I can.

Often we struggle to find the words when it comes to difficult conversations. I can not only help you with what to say but how to say it. Start where you mean to finish. With respect and dignity.

Parenting Coordination is a child centred process for conflicted divorced and divorcing parents. It is a dispute resolution technique to help parents organise their ongoing parenting arrangements before, during and after they have reached their final Court Orders.

Through education, mediation and case management, the family’s post-separation progress is monitored to help parents ensure the best possible outcomes for their children. The focus is on the well-being of the child and to lower everyone's stress levels.

Parenting Coordinators are professionally trained practitioners who work with separated or divorced parents to help them adhere to court orders and implement parenting agreements.

A Parenting Coordinator does not replace your lawyer, your Mediator, the Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, the counsellor, or the Family Report Writer.

Divorce or separation is often a difficult and stressful period for families, sometimes leading to a sense of conflict. Your Parenting Coordinator will work with you to develop effective strategies for dealing with this conflict so that you can uphold court orders and parenting agreements in the long-term, without the stress that daily conflict can bring.

Your Parenting Coordinator will also help you to make co-parenting and education decisions, help you avoid exposing your child to conflict and assist you in protecting a longterm and healthy relationship with your children. Ultimately, Parenting Coordinators approach their role with a strong child focus, ensuring optimal outcomes for your children following family separation.

• Reduce the level of stress and conflict.
• Create co-parenting agreements that work for the family even in high-conflict situations
• If there is an impasse, they are taught the skills to better manage their communication thereby ensuring that timely decisions are made.
• Help parents avoid fights and protracted litigation.
• Ensures that the children are not stressed and are able to move freely between two homes and feel safe and secure.
• Ensures that the parents both continue to play an active role in the children’s lives.
• Ensures that there is a more relaxed home atmosphere, so the children feel happy and secure.

Parenting Coordination is an excellent alternative to assist parents to manage the conflict after the court orders have been made. Disagreements over things that seem small and inconsequential like bedtime, snack options, play time, study time can lead to bigger issues and impact the parenting relationship. These disputes don’t require lawyers and mediators but rather they require a professional to help the parents make good decisions for their kids, and even sometimes an umpire to make the final decision. Parenting coordination can assist parents who run into day to day disputes so they don’t have to keep returning to court whenever there is a dispute and they are not able to reach an agreement.

Using a Parenting Coordinator is an alternative path for parents to resolve their co-parenting issues outside of the courtroom. A Parenting Coordinator may be ordered by the court or agreed to in some instances when parents are unable to reach agreement on the implementation of what is set out in the parenting orders, or the schedule needs to be adjusted, or there are disagreements about the duties and responsibilities of the parents as set out in the orders or if you are just not able to have a civil conversation with your former partner about parenting the kids.
I work with parents on an on-going basis after the divorce is all finalised and help them establish and maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Parenting coordination costs are typically shared equally between the parents. Every person's situation is unique and some cases will need more time than others to reach agreements. Parties will negotiate fees for service directly with their Parenting Coordinator.

The sessions that a Parenting Coordinator has with the parents is usually around 90 minutes each month for a period of up to 2 years. The process can be terminated earlier if the parties agree to an early termination.

A Parenting Coordinator can be appointed by a Judge either on Application or by agreement in an order or parenting plan.

Each 1.5 hour of Parenting Coordination Joint session costs $410 per parent. If a session is cancelled without sufficient notice the full fee will be payable to ensure the other parent is not financially disadvantaged.

We understand that urgent issues arise from time to time and we will do our best to be flexible to meet with you at short notice, including in person, on the telephone and online via video conferencing facilities.

Some of the things a Parenting Coordinator can help your family with are:

• Coach parents in post-separation communication strategies, conflict resolution and anger management.
• Assist parents transition from being ex-partners to co-parents.
• Meet Court Orders.
• Mediate on-going disagreements and conflict.
• Assist parents in building lasting strategy to meet custody and event commitments.
• Reduce children's exposure to parental conflict.
• Promote healthy relationships  between children and both parents.
• Reduce stress for children when transitioning between homes.
• Facilitate smooth time share.
• Create a more balanced home environment for children.
• Help children maintain their sense of security, trust and self esteem.

To find out more, visit the website for Parenting Coordination Australia.

• Educating parents on the impact of parental conflict on their children's development.
• Teaching parents anger management, communication and conflict resolution skills, and children's issues during divorce.
• Working with parents in developing a detailed parenting plan.
• Reducing the number of litigated cases.
• Communicating to parents that the children come first.
• Offering families a valuable resource.
• Providing prompt resolution to daily child-rearing issues.
• Monitoring parental compliance with court orders (if any).
• Reducing overall conflict experienced by the entire family; protecting the most defenceless victims of high conflict parenting: the children.
• Enhancing the children's confidence and self-esteem by creating an optimal environment for growth.
• Reducing the children's symptoms of stress as parental conflict decreases.
• Diminishing the children's sense of loyalty binds.
• Increasing the likelihood of keeping two active parents in the child's life.
• Creating a more relaxed home atmosphere, allowing the child to adjust more effectively.

Step 1 – Call us
Step 2 – Discuss seeking an order for a parenting coordinator through court orders (Our Helpful Links page has a template.)
Step 3 – Parenting Coordinator is appointed
Step 4 – The parents and the Parenting Coordinator sign an agreement noting the terms of the engagement, the process and the expectations of the engagement.
Step 5 – Parenting Coordination begins.
Step 6 – The Parenting Coordinator will educate the parents on how to begin to manage coparenting themselves so that eventually the parents can disengage the Parenting Coordinator and manage on their own.

A Parenting Coordinator can be appointed by a Judge either on Application or by agreement in an order or parenting plan.

Parenting Coordination is not a process that is used to develop a parenting plan. A Parenting Coordinator works within the bounds of existing agreements and/or Court orders. These existing agreements and/or Court orders cannot be altered by the Parenting Coordinator. Unlike mediation which is a confidential process, Parenting Coordination is a non–confidential process and both parents are held accountable for the way they act to ensure that there is progress.

Parenting Coordinators are qualified professionals and can be either lawyers, mediators/FDRPs or social scientists who have undertaken specialised training as Parenting Coordinators.

Shelby Timmins is a Parenting Coordinator based in Sydney and is available to work with families in person or online. She is trained as a Parenting Coordinator. She is also a Nationally Accredited Mediator, Registered Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, a Divorce and Parenting Coach and a Collaborative professional and conflict coach. She has also completed a Master of Laws and was formerly a lawyer.

Conflict Coaching uses a set of skills and strategies to support you to engage in, manage and resolve conflict with your former partner (or anyone for that matter). As conflict coaches, we will work with you one on one. We will assist you to reframe your conversations and conflict so you can communicate constructively.

A conflict coach will assist you:

• Understand conflict
• Identify different conflict styles and personalities
• Develop strategies to constructively resolve conflict
• Assist you to consider another perspective
• Help you identify your own trigger points and biases
• Teach you productive communication skills
• Work through individual conflict concerns

Conflict coaching will assist you to identify your own interests and those of others, to learn skills to constructively resolve conflict and to replace bad conflict habits with productive ones.

Our director, Shelby Timmins trained in the CINERGY® model of conflict management which integrates executive coaching, conflict management, and neuroscience principles. It is a dynamic seven stage process that is specifically designed to help clients improve their conflict management skills and abilities according to each person's individual and specific goals.

Conflict Coaching is $550 per hour. This will give you:

Time

We can provide you with as little or as many hours as you think you need.

Location

In person, via telephone or online (video conferencing). 

Conflict Coach

Shelby Timmins, Divorce Done Differently

Flexibility

We will work with you to make the times suitable to you and the experience as positive and constructive as it can be.

This is entirely up to you. Every divorce is different and we will structure the coaching sessions to your needs.