Self Care During Your Separation

Divorce can take its toll. We know it is tough. It is also a time when you need to make sure you are looking after YOU.

  1. Focus on the big picture

A graceful exit isn’t always possible, even if it is ideal. One of the most important ways of minimising divorce stress is to take a breather and focus on the big picture. Think about what you want things to look like in 5, 10, 15 years from now. Ideally, both partners should also be able to understand why the relationship came to an end.

  1. Own it – take responsibility

Now this is difficult to do, but where possible, if you can take responsibility for your part in it all and respond rather than react, things may typically go more smoothly. Try not to blame and look for fault, even if it is staring you in the face. Acceptance brings peace.

  1. Keep talking (but remember not to ‘gossip’)

We know that when people talk about their feelings it helps us process what is going on. Forget about the concept of ‘name it...

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Self Care During Divorce

Divorce can leave you feeling despondent and deflated. Taking the time to look after yourself during this difficult times is as important as getting legal advice.

Knowing what fills your cup and creating a routine that does this will allow your body to replenish itself. It is imperative.

We know that when times are tough and our emotions are high, it can be hard to make good decisions. Taking the time to reflect on what really matters, the things that bring a smile to your face and a spring in your step is important.

I have created a list of some of the things that fill my cup. You can use the ones I have created as a guide, or create your own. Follow these simple steps:

  1. Set aside 30 minutes – no distractions.
  2. Print off the checklist here
  3. Create a list of the things that you enjoy, be realistic with yourself in terms of time and money.
  4. Place the list on your wall. Somewhere that you will see this every day.
  5. Always start your day with a SMILE!

Please remember that we are here...

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Co-parenting Concerns and COVID

We all know that parenting is hard enough.  Add to that separation, divorce, lockdown, home schooling and everything else that comes with COVID-19 and you have a pretty tricky situation for parents and kids. 

It is important during these times, that we take a deep breath and think about the things that matter.

1.    Show care and kindness

Everybody is struggling with different things.  It is really important to recognise that when people are under pressure whether emotional, financial or physical, they often react rather than respond and their reactions may not be well thought through.  Being able to show kindness and care is paramount.

2.    Be Flexible

COVID has brought a number of challenges and those challenges look like they may continue in same shape or form.  Showing flexibility, particularly with the other parent, especially when it concerns your children is important.  Putting your child’s best interest at the...

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Divorce resolution moves online

Covid may mean that you are stuck in your house, but with the benefits of online technology, you don’t need to be stuck in your marriage. Mediation and Collaborative Practice have moved online, bringing these dispute resolution pathways to your doorstep.

How does Online Mediation and Collaborative Divorce work?

You can each still have your own lawyer and depending on the needs of your family, other professionals such as a coach who specialises in communication may be involved or a financial expert.

Traditionally, mediation and collaborative meetings happen in person. These might include separate meetings with you, your former partner and any other professional needed. In this process, you will go through what I call the 5 D’s of Dispute Resolution (which you can read all about in another of my blog posts in this series).

  1. Decide to enter the process.
  2. Disclose any information or documentation required.
  3. Develop options based on your interests, needs and concerns.
  4. Determine...
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Divorce Goals

Do you know what you want, what you really, really want from your divorce? A catchy jingle isn’t it, thank you.

In this day and age, we are encouraged at every turn to set goals, to revisit these goals and to keep ourselves accountable. Even my 3 small children are required at the start of each school term to take stock and write their goals down:

  1. What would they like to achieve;
  2. How will they do this; and
  3. Who or what can help them get there!

It’s imperative when you are considering a separation to take some time to really consider what you want your divorce to look like. Break it down.

Right now, if you are in the early days, you might be thinking, “I just want him/her back” or “I wish this wasn’t happening to me”. I ‘d encourage you to think a little deeper, look a little broader. What do you want things to look like 12 months from now, 5 years down the track and perhaps even a lifetime away.

It is the bigger picture that we need...

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The 5 D's of Dispute Resolution

In any family law dispute, the people involved, yes that means you, will determine their own dispute resolution pathway. I know you may be getting lots of advice and direction from family, friends and even professionals about what might be best for you. But, at the end of the day, you are in the driver's seat. The steps you take now and the method you choose to resolve your family law dispute, will have an enormous impact on you and your family's immediate wellbeing and long term future.

Whenever I have a family come and see me, one of the first things I do is to educate them on the different dispute resolution options available. For more information on what options you have available, take a look at what I call your family law ‘dispute resolution menu’. It will walk you through everything from a kitchen table discussion, to mediation (with and without lawyers), collaborative practice, arbitration and litigation. I set out what’s involved, the estimated costs and...

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