Self Care During Your Separation

Divorce can take its toll. We know it is tough. It is also a time when you need to make sure you are looking after YOU.

1. Focus on the big picture

A graceful exit isn’t always possible, even if it is ideal. One of the most important ways of minimising divorce stress is to take a breather and focus on the big picture. Think about what you want things to look like in 5, 10, 15 years from now. Ideally, both partners should also be able to understand why the relationship came to an end.

2. Own it – take responsibility

Now this is difficult to do, but where possible, if you can take responsibility for your part in it all and respond rather than react, things may typically go more smoothly. Try not to blame and look for fault, even if it is staring you in the face. Acceptance brings peace.

3. Keep talking (but remember not to ‘gossip’)

We know that when people talk about their feelings it helps us process what is going on. Forget about the concept of ‘name it and shame it’ and instead think about ‘name it to understand it’. Identifying how we are feeling is the first step to understanding it and moving forward. My only advice is to be selective in who you share it with. Talk with trusted friends and family but also realise that they will be naturally biased and you may be better seeking professional guidance.

4. Small steps

Focus on the immediate things, focus on the basics. What needs to be done today, this week, this month. Don’t think you need to solve everything in one day. Whilst you are taking the small steps, make sure you prioritise the essential stuff – sleep, eat, exercise.

5. Ask for help

Asking for help can be really hard.  We often don’t ask for support because we are worried that others will think we aren’t coping. Try to reverse the tables. If a dear friend was struggling, you would want them to lean on you. Now is your time to lean on others. You don’t have to do this alone.

6. Be kind to yourself

What you are going through, no one would expect you to be flying high. Accept that you are going through a tough time and look after YOU. Divorce calls for a healthy dose of self care.

7. Start something new

Now this might sound crazy, you are already overwhelmed so why start something new. The point of this is to allow yourself to do something for you. Find something you have wanted to do for a while. Join a group, learn a new activity, go on an adventure. It will allow you to focus on something else and plan life moving forward.

8. Slow down

Whilst it is important to get all your ducks in a row, you don’t need to do this overnight. Typically there isn’t any rush, unless your bank account is about to be cleared or your children aren’t returned. Give yourself the space to process what is happening. Respond don’t react.

9. Mistakes can be managed

Tomorrow is a new day. The mistakes we make can usually be forgiven and we can certainly learn from them. This is where growth takes place. We all make mistakes so be kind to yourself.

10. Be You

Knowing who you really are after a difficult relationship can sometimes be the biggest challenge. Ask yourself the hard questions. Find your tribe. Look at what you want from life and the person you truly want to be. Reframe your separation and divorce. This isn’t anything to be ashamed of. This is just the beginning of better things.

Self care is essential during a separation. Hopefully with the attached tips, it will make the ride a little less bumpy.

Remember we are here to help. If you need help, book in for our 15 minute free complimentary call or download our A-Z of Divorce Done Differently.